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The reach and breadth and extraordinary ease of consuming pornography is so massive, it penetrates every tiny corpuscle of our media-saturated lives (last time I use the word And maybe you're right. Or maybe, if he does, all your Charles needs as an erotic aide is a photograph of you guys feeding each other cake on your wedding day. But don't get all superior, because various studies suggest that anywhere between 50 and 99 percent of men watch porn.

And I'd bet on the higher end—who do you think lies on surveys: people who are embarrassed to say they watch porn or people who are embarrassed to say they don't?

It's not all about physical gratification, though, says David Greenan, a family and couples therapist in New York City who's been treating people in relationships for more than 20 years: "People do it to escape. Even if you don't think porn is cheating, you may wonder, The experts I spoke with all confirmed that porn can make wives feel inadequate or unattractive. We can find you hot as hell and still enjoy imagining having sex with other women.

Being a good and faithful mate is not about denying there's a little part of your brain that thinks about having sex with other people; it's knowing that acting on it isn't going to make you happy at all. "Men," Charles says, stating what I think to be one of the most obvious and in some ways sad facts about the male condition, "are more likely—and more able—than women to use sex for simple physical pleasure."Several studies have shown that pornography can actually have a positive impact.

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And as far as sexual fantasies go, I'd argue that porn is less problematic than my wife's fantasy about my coworker Kevin, which she has admitted to me more than once (FYI, once really would have been enough). One 2007 study found that "many young Danish adults believe that pornography has had primarily a positive effect on various aspects of their live." If you're scared that your guy's predilection for porn will harm his performance in the bedroom, think again: a 2015 study also concluded that viewing sexual stimuli (a.k. things that turn you on) "is unlikely to negatively impact sexual functioning..." because "responses actually were stronger in those who viewed more VSS [visual sexual stimuli]."So if you're still thinking, We men would entirely agree. Knowing that regardless of how sophisticated we believe we are, we're still just Neanderthals inside is humbling.

It's one of the reasons I'm not arguing that you have to be pro-porn.

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